Goodbye Hurts
by Heartbroken1
Summary: Goodbyes are seldom pleasant, but watching your fiancee’s heart break because she’s bid farewell to another man is excruciating. What is running through Edward’s mind the night after Bella said goodbye to Jacob?
1. Irony

**Author's Note: This story has been redone and is now so much better :) Enjoy the heartache!**

Summary: Goodbyes are seldom pleasant, but watching your fiancee's heart break because she's bid farewell to another man is excruciating. What is running through Edward's mind the night after Bella said goodbye to Jacob?

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks to not done baking, vjgm1 for the initial beta on this and Eowyn77 for keeping me in canon!

Goodbye Hurts _by Heartbroken1_

Chapter One - Irony

Carlisle and I rushed into the small house that the Black's called home. I desperately listened to the thoughts of those around us, trying to find out Jacob's status. He couldn't have permanent damage or Bella would never forgive herself, and watching her heartache would be more than I could bear.

"Thank you for coming," Billy told Carlisle, shaking his hand. "He's back here."

Jacob was cursing loudly as we entered his tiny room that was made to appear even smaller with the wall to wall people. I was relieved as the obscenities continued to flow in his thoughts -- especially since they weren't directed Iat/I me.

"Everybody out," Carlisle insisted.

One of Jacob's brothers let out a growl in protest.

Charlie looked at each of them curiously.

"You heard him," Sam told the pack. "He's going to need room to work." One by one, they left us.

I walked over, sitting next to Jacob on the bed. "We'll get you all fixed up," I assured him.

Another stream of profanities roared from his lips as Carlisle began his examination.

Charlie's eyes widened. _I wonder if he uses that kind of language around my daughter,_ he thought.

I could speak with utmost confidence that he didn't just as I never would.

I wasn't the only one who had noticed Charlie's reaction to Jacob's new found vocabulary. "I think it'd be best if you leave too, Charlie," Billy suggested.

He nodded and his thoughts disappeared.

"I'm going to need to give him something for the pain," Carlisle whispered to Sam. "Is that okay with you?"

Sam stared at us dumbfounded. _I don't know. Can I trust them?_

His thoughts should have been insulting, but I understood completely. His mortal enemy was asking for permission to shoot heaven knows what into the veins of his friend -- his brother.

"Sam, we need to get going on this before the damage becomes permanent," I explained, holding up a bottle of morphine. "This is the only thing we'll give him and only as much as he needs."

Jacob let out another agonizing scream and cinched Sam's decision. "Fine, do whatever you have to. Just fix him."

Carlisle took Jacob's face between his hands. "When you come out of this, there is to be no phasing until I give you permission."

"Sure, sure," Jacob said aloud while his thoughts continued, _I'll tell you whatever the hell you want to hear._

"He's serious, Jake," I warned.

Jacob shot a death glance in my direction while Carlisle looked at me curiously, but as his gaze returned to Jacob he saw what he'd missed before.

"I mean it, Jacob Black," he used his most professional doctor tone. "If you don't take it easy, you will do serious damage." He looked at Billy and Sam as he continued, "Jacob is not allowed to phase until I give him the okay."

They nodded in unison as Jacob swore under his breath.

"Very well." Carlisle attempted a smile. "Are you ready for this?"

Jacob let out a groan as he nodded.

"I'll be in the other room," Billy informed no one in particular. "You'll understand that I can't watch this."

"I'm not leaving," Sam assured him. "I'll make sure he's okay."

I shut out the thoughts of those around me and concentrated on the little glass bottle and the syringe in my hands.

"Edward?"

I stopped, looking into Jacob's sad eyes.

"Take care of her," he whispered. "Love her enough for both of us."

I ignored the glistening that was beginning to form in his eyes and simply agreed, "I will. I promise." I walked over, leaning across the bed to his good hand and shook it, "I wish you all the happiness in the world."

_Just not with her,_ he thought.

"If that's what she wanted..." I let my sentence trail off, unable to deal with even the thought of her choosing a life with him. My throat started to close in what resembled emotion so I cleared it with a cough that was too loud for my comfort.

"Got that morphine?" Carlisle asked over his shoulder.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure you measured it right, leech?" Jacob growled as a pathetic smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

I depressed the plunger, sending just a bit of liquid into the air. "Let's hope, pup."

Our exchange lightened the mood in the stuffy little room. Sam even cracked a smile.

I walked over to Jacob and sat down next to him on the bed. "We'll have you back on your feet soon." Thinking of Bella's feelings for him, I continued, "You rest now."

After a quick needle poke, he drifted into oblivion. With all his anger and fierce attitude gone, he looked so young. I had compassion for this boy who wanted everything I did.

His mind replayed through the happenings of the last few days with Bella -- most of which were excruciating for me to experience. I realized I wasn't alone in wondering where her head might be at this moment.

Carlisle's hands moved with precision over the broken bones and flesh of Jacob Black. Even in his heavily sedated state, he winced and groaned as my father poked and prodded, searching for further injury.

I watched in awe as Carlisle used his hands to treat the man who was once my enemy, setting bones and stitching the mangled skin back together.

It's a little unsettling how irony works. I thought about the many times in the past where I would have gladly ripped my competitor limb from limb, breaking every last bone in his body. Yet here he was, bruised and broken, and all I felt was a peculiar sense of brotherhood.

How could I fault Jacob for loving Bella as fiercely as I loved her myself? That would make me the worst kind of hypocrite.

I released my frustration in a sigh that was ignored by the others still within the confines of Jacob's room. This whole situation was hopeless. No matter how you sliced it, someone was going to get their heart broken. I just prayed that it wouldn't be me.

As thoughts and hushed voices began to come down the hall, I stiffened, feeling very protective of the incapacitated man laying in front of me. While he couldn't protect himself, I would protect him. I owed him at least that much.

_I never would have expected that,_ Charlie's thoughts muttered before he shuffled back down the hall.

I'm sure seeing me with Jacob would come as a shock to anyone who had seen us nearly at each other's throats. This situation aside, we hated each other and when it was over, we would probably hate each other again.

Carlisle put the finishing touches on Jacob's leg and turned toward Sam. They nodded to each other and I stood.

It felt like I had been through an emotional overload and I needed to get out of this house -- now. "If you're done, I think we'd better get going," I encouraged Carlisle.

I walked out of the room, passing Charlie in the hall.

"Is he going to be okay?" I heard him ask as I walked through the living room and out into the yard. I waited there while Carlisle left the necessary instructions with Billy and Sam.

I leaned against a tree and waited, thinking. I knew Bella had a choice to make and felt pretty confident which way it was going to go. However, looking at the sadness in Black's eyes as he talked about her, I wondered how she would ever get through telling him goodbye.

"Ready?" Carlisle's words startled me, which didn't happen often given my gift.

"Yes, let's go."


	2. Guilt

**Author's Note: This story has been redone and is now so much better :) Enjoy the heartache!**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks to not done baking, vjgm1 for the initial beta on this and Eowyn77 for keeping me in canon!

Goodbye Hurts _by Heartbroken1 _

Chapter Two - Guilt

When we arrived back at the house, my brothers were blowing off steam with their newest video games. The sound of laser beams and explosions radiated through the house. I sat down on the couch and watched their amusement.

Alice's thoughts entered the room before she did, _well, she's on her way to see him._

I nodded.

It bothered Alice that she wouldn't be able to see Bella's conversation with Jacob. The fact that she was 'blind' disturbed her immensely.

I closed my eyes and listened to nothing but the sound coming from the television.

Suddenly, Alice jumped to her feet. "Edward, go!" she shouted. I turned to her, seeing her vision replay through her mind. I ran as fast as I could to find Bella.

As I approached her truck, I could hear her heartbreaking sobs. Her heart was _literally_ breaking. I opened the door and scooped her into my arms, holding her close. She attempted to push me away, but I held her tighter, refusing to release her.

I desperately wanted to know what she was thinking, but was afraid of what I might see.

I held her, saying nothing. I listened helplessly to her cry, wishing I could take her pain away. She finally controlled her sobs enough to mutter Charlie's name.

I gently placed her in the truck, wrapping my arm around her and started the engine. For the first time since becoming a vampire, I had no desire to go fast. I drove slowly, not even getting close to the 55 mile per hour limit set by the old engine.

When we finally did get to Bella's house, she had managed to control her sobs. However, her tears flowed like tiny rivers over her beautiful cheeks. She avoided my eyes and asked me to meet her upstairs. As much as I wanted to scoop her into my arms and protectively carry her through the door and up to her bed, I knew Charlie would probably shoot me. So I scaled the wall and waited for my brokenhearted love.

The door opened and her tear-filled eyes locked on mine. She immediately began fumbling violently with the clasp of the charm bracelet Jacob had given her.

I should have felt some kind of relief, perhaps even smug because it seemed she was choosing me, but instead every cell was experiencing pain. Complete and utter agony.

I took Bella's hand gently into mine, discouraging her. Every ounce of me wanted to pummel something -- anything. But whenever I pulled away, Bella grasped at me and another onslaught of tears erupted.

With no other choice, I wrapped my arms around her, needing to comfort the hurt away as her sobs began again. I held her tightly, hoping my presence was helping. But as she muttered his name over and over, what was left of my heart shattered into tiny pieces.

I considered more than once leaving her to be with him. If only I hadn't promised that I would never leave her again.

The sun faded and darkness overtook us in the tiny room. Charlie's thoughts haunted me as he stopped outside the door. _I wish I knew what to say to help her. If only Cullen…_ he snarled my name, _had stayed away. She wouldn't be heartbroken now._ He sighed. _I hope Jacob's okay. _

He placed his hand on the handle and I prepared to flee, but Bella let out another sob, deterring him. _I would probably only make things worse _his mind grumbled as he beat himself up for his lack of parenting skills. His thoughts grew softer when he shut the door to his own room.

I remained silent while Bella mourned. Like Charlie, I had no idea how to make it better. She nestled her body against mine and I responded by holding her as close as I dared. Her tears continued to flow until she finally drifted off into an uneasy slumber.

Her muttering didn't stop, however and with each mention of his name, I wondered what I was doing to her. This was my fault when all the layers were peeled away. She would never blame me, but she didn't have to. I blamed myself. If I hadn't been so stupid as to leave her in the first place, she wouldn't have needed to seek comfort from another man. A man who, even though he was a werewolf, was better for her than I was.

If I bowed out and allowed Bella to remain with Jacob, she could keep her soul, something I wanted desperately. The pain she was enduring because she'd chosen me was unbearable to watch. I would give her up, if she desired it. It would be even more difficult now than the first time, but I would do it. Come hell or high water, I would.

My eyes drifted closed as I prayed that it wouldn't come to that.

I pressed my lips to her head, inhaling the intoxication of her scent and pulled her even closer, melting her body into mine. My every cell ached for her. I loved Bella more than life itself. I would do anything for her -- to make her happy. I kissed her again.

A tear rolled down her cheek and she sighed.

The first rays of sunlight peeked in through the window and Bella began to stir. I continued to hold her, waiting for her to push me away. Her eyes fluttered open and they were finally tearless.

She mumbled a hello, but I said nothing. I carefully watched her, anticipating another outburst and prepared what I could say to comfort her. She told me that she was okay and that it wouldn't happen again.

I narrowed my eyes, disbelievingly.

"I'm sorry that you had to see that," she apologized. I shook my head. Once again she was being utterly selfless. "That wasn't fair to you."

_Fair to me? _I thought. _None of this is fair to anyone._

I placed my hands on each side of her face. A thousand thoughts were running through my mind. "Bella...are you _sure_? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain --" My voice cracked as I remembered again the agony she had experienced the night before and realizing that ultimately, I played a huge part in it.

She nodded, placing her delicate fingers on my lips. "Yes," she insisted.

"I don't know... If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?" my throat tightened around the words.

"Edward, I know who I can't live without." She smiled weakly.

"But..." I protested.

She shook her head. "You don't understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that's what's best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It's the only way I can live."

I wasn't sure I believed her or not. The memory of her devastation last night would forever be etched in my mind.

Watching her battle with her emotions had given me a glimpse into how she'd been after I left. For the first and last time, ever, I allowed myself to think of the memories Jacob Black had supplied. The ones of Bella the night I'd left, the day she showed up at his house, even the day he pulled her out of the ocean. She was still the beautiful woman sitting before me, just a shell of her though.

I would never get over the guilt of leaving her -- alone and distraught. Nor would I ever forgive myself for hurting her.

"Hand me that book, will you?" she asked, pointing over my shoulder.

I didn't understand what she was getting at, but handed it to her quickly.

"This again?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes at me and flipped to a page that had been dog-eared. She read to me about Cathy not being able to live without Heathcliff. "And I know who I can't live without."

How could I argue with that? She had made her feelings perfectly clear. I took the book from her and tossed it lightly onto the desk. I smiled at her, trying to give the illusion of serenity. I still worried that she had made the right decision. However, I decided not to protest any further. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her to me.

"Heathcliff had his moments, too," I said, pausing to make sure the words were right in my head. I leaned down, whispering in her ear, "I _cannot_ live without my life! I _cannot _live without my soul!'"

"Yes. That's exactly my point," she told me.

I understood what she was saying, but I wasn't so sure she fully did. "Bella, I can't stand for you to be miserable. Maybe..."

"No, Edward. I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But

I know what I want and what I need...and what I'm going to do now."

"What are _we_ going to do now?" She smiled at how I had rephrased her statement. I sighed as she smiled, kissing my nose.

"We are going to see Alice."


End file.
